Thursday, 18 September 2014

Chapter13:Secret Revealed.

I was in deep thoughts, not knowing about this new entry in my life. I am already screwed up to maximum extent. How much else God wants to play with me. I just felt sick thinking about Sanjay. It got tuned, as though, my brain works only for Pramod.

Neha was grinning seeing the letter, she felt happy that some thing good is about to happen in my life. I literally had no energy to think about anything else, I was not that mentally strong.I just made the letter in to pieces in frustration and showed my anger throwing hard in to dustbin. Finally, I felt relieved, it was as if throwing the letter away, made me feel like I deleted this so called 'Sanjay' from my life.

Neha was staring at me, seeing me behave 'violent'. This was completely new to her, this angle in me was new to myself, no wonder that she stared at me. I, lost all courtesies and  directly asked her to leave. She couldn't with stand my behavior any more and just left the place with out saying any word.

I am back, to my lonely, dumb, depressive world, no one is there in it to push me up, no one disturbs me there, no one irritates me to work, and yeah there wont be any one to tell me 'I LOVE YOU' sweetly. God!!I miss him, I cried uncontrollably, my tears stopped, but it turned out more painful. I didn't know when I slept.

There was knock on the door, it was so irritating, after crying so much my eyes became small, I could not open them and didn't want open though. I was just not ready to see this world and live in it, where true love became rare and cheating became habit and people started playing with hearts.

I thought if I dont open door they will knock for some more time, get frustrated and leave, but it didnt stop and yeah my mobile too started ringing loudly...hmm I had to push myself now. I hit end call and went to open the door.

To my surprise, it was my brother!!! for a minute I forgot what ever had happened to me, I was so excited and gave a small hug to him and bent down to take his luggage. He, as usual stopped me and took his luggae by himself and got inside the apartment.

I asked him about Dad and Mom, he smiled mischievously,  if it was in normal days I would have understood his plan, but now, I failed, like, very badly.

I did not show up any expressions, I made my face plain, then I asked him to fresh up and went to kitchen to prepare food. When I was about to come out he came in to kitchen, and asked me whats wrong sanju? you seem to be bothered about some thing and you look pale.

Hmm, nothing man, I am just tired, that is it, just one day rest, I will be back to track, I said and winked at him. Though he smiled, he understood my ACTING and he got to know that I was hiding something.

Then we spoke, spoke and spoke and recalled every childhood memory and laughed untill my mouth pained with happiness.  Then he suddenly started, Sanjana, you remember Sanjay?

I was in deep shock when I heard Sanjay's name from my brother, this stranger is playing a big role in my life with out my involvement , I said to myself. I didnt respond to my brother. Then I understood, Sanjay, might have approached my parents and brother for match and everything happened like this. God!!!it was too much to take in. I was mentally calculating ways to escape from this and reasons to give them.

Since I was dumbstruck and did not respond to him, he asked me again to answer. That's when I replied, no I don't remember him. My brother was disappointed, I generally love people, like, I dont want to disappoint anyone, even If I dont know something, I used to ask my brother clues and try to answer his questions. He did not expect a blunt NO from me.

Then he went on, Sanjay, was your calss mate,  I guess when you were 5th standard, you both used to play for a while, later you changed your school and lost touch with him. After my brother told this, small rays of memory passed through. Hmm I guess I remember him now, like, very little.

My brother was happy to hear, that I remember Sanjay. He told me then, Sanjay got to know about me through one of our common friends and he started liking me, he approached his parents and they approached mine and my Mom and Dad were like if I am okay with it, they dont have any objection with it. He pleaded my parents not to tell anything to me until he says and suddenly he called my brother yesterday and asked him to inform me about everything.

Ridiculous, I just said this to my brother, he was angry now! whats wrong Sanju, you are behaving strange today, tell me what made you behave like this, he raised his voice and I started crying. I know, he hates to see me crying so I tried hard and stopped it in a while. I always used to cry for everything until teens, every small incident, tears rolls down, just like that. He, one day, took me out, and told me this...very precious words I had learnt from him

Your tears are so valuable, never waste them for silly reasons and never ever cry for wrong people, stay strong and be happy

Such simple yet meaningful lines, they taught me life lessons! that was the final day I cried for silly things, but now I realized, may be I was wasting time for wrong person!may be Pramod is not destined for me.

Even that thought made me shiver!I was literally trembling. He made me sit, and calmed me down,got some water and asked me the reason slowly, I told him every single thing happened with me and Pramod. He was really shocked and he asked me at any point, didnt u feel like telling us? do you think we wont support you at you worst moments?

I was already feeling guilty and his words made me feel more, so with this people, I hided everything, and yeah, it was true I didn't reach out to them at my worst time, though worst time still continues. But it was not that, I felt like, they will not support me, it was just that I didn wanted them also to get hurt and go through this pain with me. I did not wanted anyone else to feel bad for me, already my friends are doing that and going through this. I told my brother same thing.

He sighed and said do however you wish and he went out, because he was angry, he knew that he stays for some more time, he will raise his voice again and he really didnot wanted to scold me now and see me crying again! Such a sweet brother!

Did her brother convince Sanjana about Sanjay, did he make her move further in relationship?

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Saturday, 6 September 2014

Chapter12: Broken Heart:(

After knowing Pramod does not care for me any more, First lonely morning with out Pramod's message was so sad, it did not make me feel good, the more I tried to send him out of my thoughts, the more he intruded in every minute of my life.

I hided all my feelings, saying myself I was strong enough to handle things on my own, I could not bare it at least till night, I cried, cried and cried until my pillow became wet, until my eyes get swollen, until tears get dried and until I no longer can let one drop out of my eyes.

I stay awake whole night thinking of him, the wonderful time I had with him, there comes the sweet incidents first and hard things follow next reminding me of my last meeting with Pramod in Mumbai, completely taking smile out of my face.

The words he had spoken to me last time, may be just English letters for him,but for me, they are not just words, they are feelings that disturbed me deep down from my heart, it did hurt me very badly.

After all this, I still foresee a bright future with him, I still imagine he would get back to me,he would feel sorry one day for what he had done, he would tell me, he realized that it was love and he would never let me go. After all it was a true love for me.

I started writing whatever I felt at that moment and saved them in drafts folder with out hitting send button, I know, even if I send it, I would get message delivery failure.

My phone started ringing and I noticed it was 7 A.M already and I spent whole night with out sleep. I picked it up and it was Neha, she has been calling me from yesterday, but I wanted some time for myself to think, to come over things. I didnot wanted to bother her much so I picked it this time and she insisted me to come to office.

I went for a shower, cried some more under water, gathered strength to attend office, freshed up and was lying on bed, that's when Neha entered and greeted me with flowers, wowww!! flowers, I would have jumped around if she had got it in normal days, but now, nothing attracted me. I just gave a week smile at her and said a thanks.

She was disappointed with my response.I could see it in her eyes, but I could not help it, she silently went in to kitchen and prepared maggie and got it for me, I gave n number of reasons to skip food saying her I already had it, she did not listen to any of it and forced me to eat. I just sat there and silently swallowed the food.

The way to office, it reminded me of Pramod, how we fought very first day, how he felt sorry for being rude with me, how we became friends, how we used to crack jokes and laugh together in the cab and yeah it did put smile on my face, but later I realized it was my past and it may not happen again!!

Finally I was in office and one good thing was none of my colleagues knew about Pramod, he used to be very professional during work hours, so we did not have much time to hang out it in office. I smiled and wished people like nothing happened and I was perfectly alright!I tried my best to act NORMAL.

I was assigned with huge work and I thanked God for diversion, the work too had very short deadline and my lead was quite focused on getting it done and showcase the results to client. I started working on stuff, just in 10 minutes of time, he surrounded me again, not him as a person literally, but him as memory, I just could not bare the thought of him being close to some one else, he was MINE. Then it occurred to me, the messages he used to send me, the bonding he built up with me, he might have  done all such things with so many others and would be doing it now also, this new thoughts took hell out of me, I no longer concentrated on work.

Tears started rolling out again, I just tried hard to move on things. I turned around with Roshan calling me out for tea, I said I got struck up with this work and asked him to carry on, he got to know that there was something wrong and asked me if I was well, I smiled and said yeah I am alright, its just little cold. He asked me to take care and left.

That's when I got a call and picked it up, it was courier boy again, this time I got irritated and scolded him and said, I will not pick it up and it was from an unknown source to me.

He said its our duty to deliver it mam, and requested me to pick it up. I sighed, went down and picked it, the courier was even more big than usual and had letter, chocolates and some box. I was very angry and just dropped it in my cupboard and closed it.

I left the box there and tried to finish off work, which was impossible, I took a partial day off and left office.I never knew I would miss some one very badly!! I got to know that Pramod occupied most of my thoughts and it is not so easy to move on and on the other side I was so optimistic about his realization and he coming back to me.

It so happened, Neha called me and told me that she got to know about today's letter and she brought it to my home again. I was shocked and asked Neha how she got to know about them, she said I had dropped one letter on the floor in hurry and Roshan handled it to Neha, since he knew Neha and me are friends.

I told her it is quite useless to see those letters Neha, it will disturb me more and bring back memories. She insisted on me reading them, so I opened it and started reading

Hey Sweety,

 I know , you might be angry and excited at the same time to know about this unknown sender. I am sorry if it disturbed you. But I just wanted to start our conversation differently, this is Sanjay, hope you remember me;)

Lots of Love,

 Hmm, who on earth is this Sanjay? I truly donot know any one named Sanjay,This guy is irritating, how can he call me sweety, love and is just disgusting!!I was saying in unusual hightone and rude way to Neha.

Who is Sanjay, when did they both meet??Can anyone really send such kind of letters to stranger?

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