Saturday, 6 September 2014

Chapter12: Broken Heart:(

After knowing Pramod does not care for me any more, First lonely morning with out Pramod's message was so sad, it did not make me feel good, the more I tried to send him out of my thoughts, the more he intruded in every minute of my life.

I hided all my feelings, saying myself I was strong enough to handle things on my own, I could not bare it at least till night, I cried, cried and cried until my pillow became wet, until my eyes get swollen, until tears get dried and until I no longer can let one drop out of my eyes.

I stay awake whole night thinking of him, the wonderful time I had with him, there comes the sweet incidents first and hard things follow next reminding me of my last meeting with Pramod in Mumbai, completely taking smile out of my face.

The words he had spoken to me last time, may be just English letters for him,but for me, they are not just words, they are feelings that disturbed me deep down from my heart, it did hurt me very badly.

After all this, I still foresee a bright future with him, I still imagine he would get back to me,he would feel sorry one day for what he had done, he would tell me, he realized that it was love and he would never let me go. After all it was a true love for me.

I started writing whatever I felt at that moment and saved them in drafts folder with out hitting send button, I know, even if I send it, I would get message delivery failure.

My phone started ringing and I noticed it was 7 A.M already and I spent whole night with out sleep. I picked it up and it was Neha, she has been calling me from yesterday, but I wanted some time for myself to think, to come over things. I didnot wanted to bother her much so I picked it this time and she insisted me to come to office.

I went for a shower, cried some more under water, gathered strength to attend office, freshed up and was lying on bed, that's when Neha entered and greeted me with flowers, wowww!! flowers, I would have jumped around if she had got it in normal days, but now, nothing attracted me. I just gave a week smile at her and said a thanks.

She was disappointed with my response.I could see it in her eyes, but I could not help it, she silently went in to kitchen and prepared maggie and got it for me, I gave n number of reasons to skip food saying her I already had it, she did not listen to any of it and forced me to eat. I just sat there and silently swallowed the food.

The way to office, it reminded me of Pramod, how we fought very first day, how he felt sorry for being rude with me, how we became friends, how we used to crack jokes and laugh together in the cab and yeah it did put smile on my face, but later I realized it was my past and it may not happen again!!

Finally I was in office and one good thing was none of my colleagues knew about Pramod, he used to be very professional during work hours, so we did not have much time to hang out it in office. I smiled and wished people like nothing happened and I was perfectly alright!I tried my best to act NORMAL.

I was assigned with huge work and I thanked God for diversion, the work too had very short deadline and my lead was quite focused on getting it done and showcase the results to client. I started working on stuff, just in 10 minutes of time, he surrounded me again, not him as a person literally, but him as memory, I just could not bare the thought of him being close to some one else, he was MINE. Then it occurred to me, the messages he used to send me, the bonding he built up with me, he might have  done all such things with so many others and would be doing it now also, this new thoughts took hell out of me, I no longer concentrated on work.

Tears started rolling out again, I just tried hard to move on things. I turned around with Roshan calling me out for tea, I said I got struck up with this work and asked him to carry on, he got to know that there was something wrong and asked me if I was well, I smiled and said yeah I am alright, its just little cold. He asked me to take care and left.

That's when I got a call and picked it up, it was courier boy again, this time I got irritated and scolded him and said, I will not pick it up and it was from an unknown source to me.

He said its our duty to deliver it mam, and requested me to pick it up. I sighed, went down and picked it, the courier was even more big than usual and had letter, chocolates and some box. I was very angry and just dropped it in my cupboard and closed it.

I left the box there and tried to finish off work, which was impossible, I took a partial day off and left office.I never knew I would miss some one very badly!! I got to know that Pramod occupied most of my thoughts and it is not so easy to move on and on the other side I was so optimistic about his realization and he coming back to me.

It so happened, Neha called me and told me that she got to know about today's letter and she brought it to my home again. I was shocked and asked Neha how she got to know about them, she said I had dropped one letter on the floor in hurry and Roshan handled it to Neha, since he knew Neha and me are friends.

I told her it is quite useless to see those letters Neha, it will disturb me more and bring back memories. She insisted on me reading them, so I opened it and started reading

Hey Sweety,

 I know , you might be angry and excited at the same time to know about this unknown sender. I am sorry if it disturbed you. But I just wanted to start our conversation differently, this is Sanjay, hope you remember me;)

Lots of Love,

 Hmm, who on earth is this Sanjay? I truly donot know any one named Sanjay,This guy is irritating, how can he call me sweety, love and is just disgusting!!I was saying in unusual hightone and rude way to Neha.

Who is Sanjay, when did they both meet??Can anyone really send such kind of letters to stranger?

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Harika Bojanala:)
Go Green...Save trees

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