Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Chapter 16: Goodbye Forever!

Three months...they just passed on very peacefully, with out much harm to me, except that my friends stopped talking to me, stopped coming to my place since I didn't let them in, I was fired out from my job and I got confirmation letter of the same. Thanks to credit card..I survived only because of it in the last month.

After seeing Pramod cheat me so badly inspite of putting my 100% on him, me getting fired, loosing friends, putting on weight seemed small things to me. I got over Pramod completely, may be in different version, like I don't remember him much now, I don't try to draft emails anymore, I simply stopped him from intruding in my life.

Exactly me and Sanjay finished our deadline of 3 months and it was time for me to make things clear to Mr. Sanjay!

I was just surprised to see a letter and appreciated his timings. God, he is crazy!

Here it goes...As if he read my mind, this time chocolates were Diary milk silk and snickers which I made as routine to eat them while watching TV shows.


I have seen you, while we both were kids, while we used to stand for each other when someone fights with us, while you used to kiss me innocently on my cheeks when I got you some thing.

After long long time, I was just mesmerized when I first saw you in Banglore, I was there, exactly in your office(you wonder when and how...well, everything will be answered while we meet personally), and you were perfect meaning of beauty.

(I was grinning at the mention of the word beauty-he would no longer like me)

Right from the day I met you, my world was completely filled by your presence, I figured out so many ways to impress you...as soon as I thought about word impress...first thing that striked my mind was LOOKS, latter came the personality and all others. I didn't wanted my LOVE to be like every others..it should be as pure as Mother's love. So I never met you....I just wanted to let you know who I am and how I think through my words..and what else can convey person's feelings as good as a letter...So I chose to send you letters.

I hope you liked me..I mean by what ever you understood me until now.

Much excited to meet you.

Lots of Love,

Hmm...I let out a deep sigh...God, I am still not sure how this guy would respond after seeing me...looks like he is somewhat different from others and God Knows what all he is saying!Whatever it is, I will meet him and tell him my version.

It was all set, I just bathed, turned in to my loosest outfit earlier which have become tight now,  I made it fit with lots of difficulty, I slept so much all these days because of heavy food I guess, my eyes were swollen first time in months with peaceful sleep rather than sleepless nights.

He just called me and informed me the place where I should reach, he insisted on him picking me from my home, I rudely said a NO.

I was picturing how he would be now, after 15 years of gap might be. He was tall but little plump when he was a kid, I started imagining him as overgrown kid, which sounded funny to myself. I could see someone sitting at table 5, which was reserved by Mr. Sanjay. The image happened to be clearer as I reached nearer. Oh my God, he was Handsome, he was no more a overgrown kid. He was 6 feet tall, tanned but fairer skin, completely, he was pleasant and decent looking.

He waved at me from far as soon  as he caught sight of me, I waved him back in response.I just reached the table and he smiled immediately and said Hi Sanju, I smiled back at him and said him a Hi back.

We both occupied our seats, it was a garden restaurant, all surroundings were GREEN, they have arranged small chairs and tables in between, creating a beautiful path. Rather then usual Ac restaurants, we were breathing fresh air in the garden, I could not stop complementing him for the selection , "Nice taste", I told him looking all around with ease.

Thank you Sanju..I am happy you liked it. He asked me if he had changed anything from last time I saw him, yes man, you have become more awesome, I told to myself but I just told him "obviously, yes, all of us will change."

He did not expect that answer I guess, I could see it in his eyes. That is all I wanted, I just want to move out of his heart and wipe away all feelings if at all he had any. He recovered soon and initiated one more conversation, mean while he ordered Manchow soup and asked me if I was fine with it.

I just started of with my points, which are all I had planned to tell him,

Sanjay, I am sorry to say this, I generally don't like to hurt people by any means,  I am just not in any plan to mary you. I am really sorry for everything.

His face was plain, no expression, I had imagined so much.

He smiled...God I could not take this, I have told him something very serious and he still smiles.

He started off like this

well, Sanju, I guessed your answer would be a NO, I was all prepared for this, that's how I did not react much, when you said this. I just want to clarify one thing, are you saying NO to me just because of Pramod, if that is the reason, just FORGET him, he is sick.

I was dumb struck and shocked to know that he knew about Pramod in my life. I felt betrayed, he knew everything, still he sent me letters when I was still in relationship with Pramod.

I yelled at him, he is not, you are sick Mr.sanjay. Good bye forever! Never ever try to meet me again. I said Good bye!I just left the place and got in to an auto.

Did really Sanjay played with Sanjana while he knew all about their relationship? did he play any role in spoiling their relationship?

Follow me next week

Harika Bojanala:)
Go Green...save trees

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Chapter 15:Mission

As I reached home, I forgot about my phone, accidentally, I saw an Diary milk silk stuck in my fridge, I picked it up and finished whole of it at one shot, I never knew what it was, anger, happy or sad. I generally eat 2 bytes of it and not more than that with fear of my diet getting disturbed.

Strangely the chocolate gave me relief, now I have an idea, I will eat more, turn out shapeless and this so called Sanjay will reject me after seeing me. wow, Sanjana, what a brilliant you are, I said to myself. At that moment I was not aware of after effects of putting on weight.

I opened my hand bag to pick out face wash then I remembered I had put my phone in silent. I checked notifications and saw 20 missed calls and 3 new messages. Missed calls, 15 were from office, I knew there was something wrong with work but who cares already my life is screwed up, work, no longer mattered to me.

3 calls where from Sanjay. 1 was from Neha and other was from my brother. I put phone back in volume mode and called my brother. Spoke to him for a while and hung up. Instead of telling him my sad story, I will make Sanjay himself to say no to me. That was a mission for me, I went to nearest store picked up all variety of fatty foods, ordered pizzas and whichever can help me put on weight fast.Mr.Sanjay get ready to see fatty ugly Sanjana.

That had become my routine to eat more and more food and no workout and skip office and not picking calls of anyone.In this process, I hardly remembered Pramod. I was enjoying this new lonely life, in which ruler, people followers everything is me, which does not have someone to cheat me.

After 5 days in this process, I received courier directly to home. Awe! this guy is disgusting, I thought to myself. It was a letter from Sanjay, and chocolates, woww, now I was happy seeing chocolates and grabbed them first instead of letter;)

While eating chocolate I opened letter to read, here it goes,

Thank you sooo much for Birthday wishes, It was overwhelming for me, that you remembered my birthday with out me saying it. Anyways, can I talk to you, I mean through phone?


Though I didn't bother about his letters, it did feel little different when he didn't mention lots of love or something like that. My system just got used to his words and expected the same this time too.
I should meet him in another 2 months after achieving my mission, till that time I want everything to be shut, like his messages, letters, phone calls and everything.To make that happen, I should call him and give him valid reason to stop everything for 2 months.

I did background work for it till evening and called him at around 5 P.M. Tring tring...I was little tensed, it went as a long ring,but he didn't pick, I was irritated, he did not pick Sanjana's call..unknowingly I demanded his attention, I had built up my mind that he have special place for me and he gives high priority to me.

I guess after an hour, I got a call from Mr.Sanjay. I picked it up after 40 seconds of ring, I didn't wanted to sound desperate for his call. I picked it up and there it went flow of words, Thank God, Sanjana you called me, I am very happy he was still saying something, how can someone speak like this even after around 15 years of gap, I was like my mouth wide open for his closeness in first meeting.

I think after 1 minute he gave a pause for breath and then I said a plain Hello Sanjay, how are you?
He said he was fine and it went on like this

Sanjay: I am good. How about you? Did you get angry on me for my letters?
Me(Did not expect so many questions):hmm, na, nothing like that
Sanjay: Then you very happy with them right, great
Me: no, no, I mean, I didnot have any feeling
Sanjay(disappointed I guess): ohhhkay, do you like, really remember me Sanjana?
Me: Yeah, ofcourse, I do remember, you were my only friend at that time
Sanjay: Laugh..:)). So you are working in a reputed company and living independently, am proud of you
Me(who is he to feel proud of me): hmm Thank you, where are you now?
Sanjay: I am in Banglore, owning an add agency.
Me: So you sent me letters staying in same place, right?
Sanjay: Yeah, I believe letters convey original feelings and I spend a lot of time to write perfectly, at this process I end up thinking more and more about you.
Me(OMG...I should hung up phone soon):hmm, I need to tell you something important
Sanjay: yes, tell me any time for you,
Me: Don't get excited, it is nothing like what you expected me to say
Sanjay: that's okay I can digest facts
Me: I need some time to figure out myself, please don't disturb me till then with phone calls, letters or messages
Sanjay:okay, till when?
Me(will he not have any reaction I just said something which I though would completely make him sad): hmm, around 3 months
Sanjay: Sure, its a deal, I will not.
Me: Thank you so much
Sanjay:Nice talking to you Snaju, after long time..take care...Bye and he hung up

Sanju, awww...he used to call me Sanju when we were kids, I remembered everything, that sweetness, innocence, how we used to fight for candies, how we used stay together when some one fought with one of us during games.After a long time, a genuine smile passed through my face.

I felt very relaxed after Sanjay accepted that he would not contact me by any means for 3 months.
3 months...I have ample time to put on weight and look as ugly as possible.

So sanjana is on a mission, and who knows Sanjay might also be in other mission to meet her after 3 months?

Follow me..next week

Harika Bojanala:)
Go Green...Save trees

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Chapter 14:Love happens with out effort????:)

I was alone again in the whole world!My brother gave me space to think and left me all alone and went out. Sanjay, I tried recollecting his memories and time we spent together...oops! your brain is currently disordered and it stopped working!! I felt this message when I started thinking.

How much ever I try, I start associating everything with Pramod, if he was here, we would have done it in different way, every minute would have become wonderful, if at all he had not left me like this, by this time, I would have introduced Pramod to my family and they would have been more happy, that I was matured enough to choose a guy and we would have celebrated it in a big way:(:(

"Calm down Sanjana, its all not real, he is not going to come back to your life, don't try to cheat yourself expecting impossible things!' I said to myself. For a minute, I feel strong," I am completely over your thoughts Pramod, you can no longer play with my life, this is my life, I will live it to 100% and you are not remote control to my happiness" I started saying this words loud. That's when my brother came back, he started smiling listening to this words.

You are absolutely on right track, my sweet sister, Just boost up like this, u will soon forget that there was Pramod in your life, saying this he patted my back.

I smiled back at him and yay! we were back to our original brother sister fights for silly things and playing kind of stuff. He stayed till night and he had to leave for an urgent issue in office. Finally he asked me to be strong and he would be visiting me once in a while, and he brought up Sanjay topic again!God!!But what he said was quite relaxing.

Sanju, I know you need time, don't think much about Sanjay too, its all in your hands to build a bright future and peaceful life, the reason I am stressing about him is, I felt he would suit you and you would be safe and happy in his hands. Again, we are not stressing you or something, you just give it a try, if it works out fine, Remember nothing happens with out effort!

I nodded like a small kid to his every word. I bid him Goodbye and gifted him his favorite snickers!he grabbed it, gave me a small hug asked me to take care and left, leaving his brotherlyhood memories and charm with me.

Nothing happens with out effort!! this words echoed in my brain, but Pramod, it just happened to me with out any effort, may be, that is how he didnot stay in my life and  just left me like a passing cloud!My brother missed this point, Love always happens with out effort!

Dear brain, If you shut down for a while, I will happily sleep, I told this to stupid brain so many times, but it did not listen, getting frustrated, I took my phone in to hands, felt like throwing it far away with all my strength. But rather I kept quite, I already lost Pramod, why should I loose anything else just because of him.

I suddenly got urge to show my anger on him, how to show my anger, how to get this frustration out of my head, what do I do?? somehow I was seeing his messages and hit delete by mistake. Surprisingly, I felt little relaxed doing it, I deleted all of his messages one by one, then his pics and finally his number from contact list.

I was still not feeling happy, So I logged in to my Facebook account and blocked him permanently and unfriended him, to which my lips extended broadly, So I started putting away his memories, who knows may be one day as my brother said, I would forget there was Pramod in my life!

I slept peacefully that night and got up and unlocked my screen, it had become practise to see Pramod's pic in my phone every morning! Now he is gone, I recollected what I did day before and felt how stupid I was to do that.

Now, I don't have Pramod in real, Pramod in my pics too:( This mixed feelings made me sick and mad. Atleast to wish something to God, I was not sure on what I wanted!

Somehow I dragged myself to office without anyone's intervention. I was in office and Neha was surprised to see me, but she was still angry I guess, though she was quite eager to come and talk to me, her ego pushed her back, since it was my fault, I went greeted her Good Morning and said sorry for what I did, she is always first to forgive, so she smiled and we both went to cafeteria to speak.

She was happy that my brother was there. She always gets excited when I say something about my brother, I could see it in her eyes. She believes from my words that he is quite good decision maker.I always used to tell her, because of my stupid decisions, he became good in my home;)

Then she too started with same Sanjay thing and asked me to think about it. I was irritated again, just the though of him is making me to think about Pramod, and I hated him more for that.

We went back to work. As usual, I could not concentrate and added to it, I left office in an hour with out informing anyone.This time Courier boy was waiting outside my office, since he saw me comming down to hand over the letter from Mr. Sanjay

God!!I didn't wanted to create one more scene in office, I just stared at the boy and took the letter seriously and left the place.

The pack was even more colorful, God, it had a childhood pic of me and sanjay holding hands and posing for photograph, for a second I smiled seeing it and remembered that moment, our parents made us get ready especially to take us to studio and we both were like very much excited with our new dresses and yeah it was Sanjay's Bday that day, I suddenly remembered the day and it is today. I guess he is quite smart in thinking now. He just sent his mobile number in letter today. If it was someone else in my place, they would have definitely fallen for his ideas and the effort he was taking to hold a special place in girl's heart. "EFFORT", it felt strange that I was saying this words by myself.

I was not that cruel to disappoint some one on their Birthday. So, I just took my phone and texted him

Happy Birthday Sanjay:)

and yeah nothing else. I didnt wanted to throw wrong directions to him, that I was interested in talking to him and all.

Next morning, I would message him that I  seriously have no ideas to hang around with him and tell him to have a bright future with someone else and live happily, I made up my mind strongly and hit enter and the message reached him in a second.

After this I put my phone in silent and dumped in to handbag, expecting a call from office, I lost interest in everything.

They got a medium, very fast medium to communicate now, how did Sanjay react to her message, did he call her?

Check it out next week

Harika Bojanala:)
Go Green...Save Trees